“How many skis does it take for a human to ski down (insert name of their mountain, unintelligible to humans)?”
Answer: “One or none. Either way, you get to eat them at the bottom! Haahaaahaaahaaa,” or the equivalent which is now, after many millennia and light years, more of a green vibration.
In fact, these days, they don’t even tell the joke as they “stand” at the top of the “slope” “looking” “down.” They just give the vibration, and it means, “I’m hungry, let’s eat when we get to their equivalent of a ski lodge.
200,000 years ago, they brought our ancient ancestors, the dwindling Homo Erectus to their planet. The name shall go unmentioned for the already established reason of their language being utterly unintelligible to humans. The story goes that they took us all the way from Earth and tried to teach us to ski (among other things). In fact, they may have invented skiing on two skis in the first place, as the aliens just ski down on their “faces.” Long skis were fashioned for the humans to stand on. It did not work. On the razor ice, a limb, or usually all four, would get shorn off. The attempt to teach us to ski was not out of malice, but rather from a desire to share the exhilaration. Unfortunately, (insert name of their mountain, unintelligible to humans) was just too dangerous for us between its razor ice and the inability to communicate.
Please don’t hold a grudge against our star brethren. The attempt to teach us to ski didn’t last that long, and they didn’t take much joy in eating our razed carcasses. If it had been us humans teaching them to ski, we’d have made a sport out of it. If roles were reversed, 200,000 years later, we’d still be betting how many limbs they had left at the bottom and tailgating the remains.
Perhaps it was our friends out there who inadvertently planted the desire into our DNA that it’s worth flinging oneself into the unknown.
RONI MORAN 